If I knew someone who was about to take off and trek and travel for one year, I would be fascinated to know what occupies their mind in the months leading up to the trip. I will also be fascinated in years to come looking back on my experience.
I am detaching myself from EVERYTHING familiar in my life--all of the comforts which have sustained me after everything kind of melted down in my first year in Seattle (for those that don't know me, corporate/engineering life was a huge adjustment and the most fantastic relationship of my life to date came slowly to an end). It was difficult making friends while trying to run around picking up the pieces of a difficult job and relationship. Finally after 4 years I can say I made the most of a job that initially kicked my butt and I have some solid girl friends whom I can see being friends with for the rest of my life. I love my house and community and have the most picturesque room 3 blocks from a lake in Seattle where I can go run daily (did I mention my rent is the cheapest rent of anyone I know?!). I have a sweeeeeet car that I love driving all around Seattle. I am loving the mountain biking trails. Everything is right out my back door.
I have to kiss all of this goodbye now that I finally have it!! That makes me sad, but the thought of not going for this dream of mine is not even an option--I would have failed to live fully.
I would guess that typically my mind would be occupied by the following:
5% what cool new healthy food or fun desert to attempt to cook
10% what activity to get into / explore on the weekend
20% fitness
30% job & job advancement/education
40% love & relationships
Instead I am thinking about:
5% food
2.5% job / career
0.5% the hot guy at the climbing store (a SHOCKINGLY low percentage for me! proof I really am focused elsewhere)
2% the friends I have that are all busy settling down/working/doing hobbies/athletics/advancing their careers... basically ANYTHING I am not thinking about....
15% fitness/health (will I croak at 21000 ft? is my back condition going to cause me trouble? will my gall bladder behave itself after I no longer have good insurance?)
5% will I want kids and a relationship after I get this trip out of my system or am I a perma-single? 5 year olds sure are cute... babies aren't my thing...
5% what can I save money on?!
55% trip preparations (what vaccines do I need? what do I need to buy? how much will my car sell for? how soon can I afford to give up everything? is it worth the extra $500 / hassle to get a macbook air to edit photos and videos while I am gone?!?)
1% is this trip going to meet my expecations? I hope so... I am spending a down payment on a Seattle condo on it...
1% will I want to come back to engineering? will I make peace with what I can and can't get out of that career in exchange for the lifestyle it provides?
3% who will I meet on this trip? the people I consider above the constraints of the daily grind I hope... I think they are magical. I aspire to be that person one day.
5% how much I still love the coffee and breakfast sandwich I get at the coffee shop by the lake every morning despite the cost.
I feel like I want to complete all preparations NOW for this trip. As if preparing will set me free to enjoy the city before I leave. Everything that I have to do and get rid of is just an annoyance as in it is something I will have to deal with getting rid of before I leave. I can't even nap! I lay awake thinking if I can get a sleeping bag liner for cheaper than $75...
I have my brain clogged with cob webs from stale heart ache, career and social angst. Again, I am happy with what I have made of all of it--I didn't fall apart under the toughest of situations and I am very proud of myself for that. Will I settle for it? NO. I will be foot loose and fancy free at least one more time before I put down some roots. My soul deserves a reboot--I miss the carefree, laughing, singing, irreverent goofball that I have always been before experiencing some fairly sizable reality checks (or were they?). I want to toss all the chips in the air and know that everything will be ok wherever it lands.
