Fire, Faith, and Flow

Before you start reading, go grab yourself a beer, open up another tab on your browser, and put on this song; it has good energy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW1hv37imjw  ("Just Say Yes" by Snow Patrol)

My friend Becky Jorgenson (background) is spotting her friend Jennifer Szeto on a tough bouldering problem.

Do you ever wonder why some people end up wildly successful and some just coast through life or worse, work very hard and yet never find fulfillment?  I have come to know a few people of each camp.  

 Being uber successful to me doesn't mean being rich or super skinny or being a doctor.  It means knowing and being true to your deepest values and pursuing them tirelessly.  The book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho calls it fulfilling your Personal Legend.  It could be that your dream is to raise a blissfully happy and secure child while earning your paycheck at a so-so job despite your husband having taken off with someone else.  It could be to become a biomedical PhD who changes the face of science surrounding materials used in surgery.  It could be to play professional sports and go to the Olympics. I have accomplished my difficult degree, gotten a job and a car and started new adventurous and challenging hobbies and dated very interesting people.  In the process I learned tons about what fulfills me (and what doesn't! -->equally important to know/realize), felt good about myself, got tired, spent lots of money and kept very busy.  Maybe, most importantly I learned to listen to the importance of my intuition.  And my burning, all-consuming desire to wander the planet has stayed right where I left it--in my heart.  Thank goodness.  I always wonder how some people become fretfully attached to the little habits, and routines of their comfort zones to the omission of everything else much more colorful.  I don't understand it and I will be free from that tiny box.  My nickname for them is "lunch box zombie."  They are the people that walk so slowly into the job they've had for 20 years that they hate and would rather complain about than quit.  

On another note, their nemesis:  someone who is always happy, have a bounce in their step, and a twinkle in their eye.  They show up at parties dressed in funny costumes and don't seemed concerned about what anyone thinks about them.  We've all known someone like this:  seemingly fearless and everything seems to work out for them.  "How do they do it?" we wonder.  Opportunities abound and life is here for their enjoyment.

The qualities I observe in the happy person fulfilling his/her wildest dreams are:

1.  Belief in the power the lies in you.  Dare I call this "ego."  This is not to say that you need to run around telling others out loud how great you are.  It IS to say that your idea of yourself is essential to success.  Do you see yourself succeeding?  Do you believe you are capable?  Confidence is key.  If you can't close your eyes and see yourself achieving, it is very unlikely you will be able to once you open your eyes and set out to try.  Belief and knowledge of your capabilities increases your self-efficacy (code speak for "ability to realize your dreams.")

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”         
-Marianne Williamson

2.  Realization the comparison to others is minimally useful if not detrimental as most people aren't achieving wildly beautiful dreams and if you are, you will always be different...  get used to it ;)

I took the (road) less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

                                                         -Robert Frost

3.  Acceptance of/ability to make the toughest sacrifices and take risks others aren't willing to (love, money, comforts, the known).  The good is the enemy of the best.  They are willing to gamble what is good now for what will be beyond amazing later or they may end up penniless, dumped, and having failed.  

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than  fear. " --Ambrose Redmoon

4.  Discretion when it comes to the advice of your valued peers--know when and when not to heed it.  Many successful people were told they weren't worthy--they didn't listen.  On the flip side, many are successful and can give credit to someone who believed in them when they didn't believe in themselves.  Who would you rather listen to?

5.  Permission to dream HUGE.  The lack of knowledge how to get "there" from "here" doesn't stop them.  It is scary to think of how far one is from achieving their dreams.  If you know exactly how to get to your wildest dream I doubt it is your wildest dream.  True life is lived in the pursuit of the closing of this gap--the you now to the you of your dreams.

6.  Ability to create a fantastic support network.  They have the ability to create, learn from, and appreciate an excellent support circle--people that can teach them, believe in them/support them through difficulties, and see them through to things beyond where they can see themselves at times (equally to minimize the drains on them--people who openly don't believe in them, obstacles, etc).  The times when the rest of the world thinks you are nuts, you will have the group you admire and trust to tell you that you aren't.  It helps when you are exhausted and questioning why you have given up a love, a nice house, steady paycheck, and the easy life you once had.

7.  A "recalculation" feature.  My gps says "recalculating" in an Australian accent when I blow by the exit I should have gotten off at.  Then she finds the new way to my destination based on where I am currently--as I am moving along at 70 mph.  Successful people can do the same--have the ability to be brutally honest with themselves and gage when they are or are not getting any closer to their goal.  They can step back, re-evaluate, and adjust and try again.

8.  Ability to tell your dreams apart from someone else's (maybe the most overlooked factor).  Don't laugh.  Their are entire books written for people to learn to stop chasing someone else's dreams and (re)find their own.  As children we know what we love and what lights our fire.  As adults we may adapt to the world by taking on other dreams to displace our own--building robots was what you loved as a child?  Too bad.  Doctors and athletes are revered more than robot engineers.  And so on.  If you have found some success and aren't revelling in it on the inside, that's a good clue.  Check out "Finding Your Own North Star" by Martha Beck http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Your-Own-North-Star/dp/0812932188

"To thine own self be true"-- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

9.  Becoming comfortable with discomfort.  Change and growth are scary.  Both, continuously, are necessary to reach your furthest, most wild dream. 

What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
          Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. " 

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I mentioned my blog to my friend today who summed it all up from a book he is reading as "Faith, Fire, and Flow."  The belief you can do it (Faith), the passion for it (Fire), and the ability to keep your path relatively unobstructed (Flow).  I have yet to read it, but it comes recommended--"You Already Know How to Be Great" by Alan Fine:  http://www.amazon.com/You-Already-Know-How-Great/dp/1596595302

What traits do you own?  What traits would you like to possess?  How will it feel when you achieve your wildest dream?

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."  --Helen Keller